The Story of Nurul,Aishah,Cha2,AkaZukii

why can't life be much easier than this? no complications, no agonies, no worries...just pleasant....everyday, but we would not call that life now would we?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Great chance doesn’t come twice

It's been 3 months since me last post and honestly been through the toughest time of my life as an adult. So tough, it really made me think deeply about the choices I've made myself gone through and just, basically left me pondering about life. But I'm no ungrateful person nor am I a whiner. embrace and rise up to the challenge I did. And here I am still standing strong. People may perceived and judge you whichever way the want, that's their birth rights I would say and nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. First tough lesson I learned. And likewise, we as human beings would treat the others the same way, at least that's what I did, and was wrongly viewed by the circle. At least to some people. (I'd spare the details this time around) And often throughout that process, these people will act piously as if they're saints and above any wrongdoings.

Not going to even try to explain myself about what i did. I stood strong with my convictions, I had done nothing wrong. Whatever happened to me can be best described as a dirty political ploy out to numb me dead in one lethal shot. As someone who's very bad at politics, I had no skills maneuvering the way out. Thus, I fall hard. And just in the way it was intended for me, almost died. Suffocating it was, it took away my lust in doing what I enjoy best and even worst snatched my rights as a human being to express my thoughts freely. It restrained me from doing any of those, although it was never stamped on papers, some people with powers warned me not not do so. Now, legally they can't do that. But as i said, it is dirty politics we're talking and that my friend is just the way the game is played.

And just like politics, I had to make my choice. I had to pick out my character in this thug war. The choices were either being a yes sir or a reformist of a sort who stands firmly on her beliefs. I chose the latter. And like any epic movie, the heroin must suffer intolerable pain before the ultimate truth prevails. I fought hard. And soon came to realize, I was left fighting the war alone. the pace changes dramatically and soon it was turning out as more of a moral war of which i must embarrassingly admit was losing immensely. It's turning ugly. And what a dog eat dog world put there, suppression everywhere. Discrimination are deemed as fair play; so long those with interest are well-covered from any danger of turning a pig of themselves. Undeterred, I went straight to big K. I had neither expectations nor experiences on dealing with big K. I just kept a clear mind and armed with my beliefs that i done nothing bad. Turn out big K's feelings were mutual. I even showed big K what the fuss was about as evidence and big K's words came as electrifying motivation. (again sparing the details to myself, suffice to say big K said big K don't see what the fuss was about by referring to the exhibit I presented)

Upon hearing big K remarks I fought back real hard on my tears. Refused to let it burst, struggling and in the verge of choking myself I replied calmly.

Honestly this is not what it seems. It was merely self-expressions. I was misunderstood.
Big K's replied was again a shocking one.

As for me, the way I see this charade is simple. Somebody is feeling the extra pinch of saltiness. And what is B doing? as numero uno, B shouldn't be jumpy like the rest; while L should be defending you on this.
And as unprecedented as it had started, the session ended equally the same. Thanking big K and taking big K's assurance to look into the deal, I left the room feeling relieved. Nevertheless I know the war isn't over at least mentally. And I'm my biggest nemesis.

Drama Continue to unfolds

Since the first day the theatrics come into play, I placed my cards out on the table. Though I know i was late on reacting that way, I did it earnestly. By this point, I had already giving in on fate. Friends and foe kept cornering me, preaching (the friends) my restless mind with talks on forgiveness and compassion. For some, they thought it wouldn't be wise to give up the one thing left at that point for me, my pride. Thus, some were against the 'noble' idea, while some were exactly the opposite. And i rebelliously agreed on the former..until the luck was changed. Though not completely but it started to change its course. I reckon it got something to do with the fact that i met big K. But funnily enough, they with powers did not want to go down as easily and I was put in a position to compromise upon conditions of redemption and second chance. But that one thing will definitely alter my ego and tarnished the one thing I've been holding on tightly-pride. Felt left with no choice, I succumb to the devils and gave in.

To those who are in battle with me, were not impressed by my actions. They were demanding of more humiliation. Mission, solely to stripped me off, badgering whatever ounces of morale I still have hanging. I played along. honestly, I was not concerned anymore with any of those. I granted their wildest dreams and wishes. It only made me stronger for I truly believe I've been wrongly accused of many things that were put up by some to purposely cultivate hatred among the circle towards me. All of which their accusations were baseless where else mine is founded and can be justified, anytime.

Along the way, I re-evaluate myself, re-focusing my goals and work even harder to meet them. Sought out those chances and found several. Boy, in fact I missed out on 4 great chances, and how i fret about them now. What was i thinking really? Below were some of the opportunities that got away. I had 99.9% of success on all of them basically i reckon. But i either had turned it down or ruined the remaining 0.01% chance by playing hard to get. Anyhow, these chances are clear evidence that there is life out of kyunoterebi if i really want it. All that needs to be done, is seek for it. Also this incident made me a firmer believer that opportunities or rezeki is indeed everywhere, just waiting for you to discover it OR you cannot always be lucky and run into several good chances all within the same time! You know, lightning doesn't strike twice. And for me, it hurt even more because I find that i want it badly now than ever but cannot have it. InsyaAllah there will be more to come, better ones in store for me, hopefully insyaAllah.

Chance ichi: IT wiz cum writer at a distinguished company. Workload- almost none. Environment- more relaxed. Had truly got me excited especially the salary part and type of employment offered.

Chance ni: International prestigious automotive company. Workload-less stressful, a total shift from present job. Most exciting part- working in an environment of nihonjins truly euphoric. Salary of 80% increase with undoubtedly healthier working environment.

Chance san: Closer to house. Definitely cuts on petrol and longer zzz time. Downside-Possibilities of being relocated is high.

Chance yon: DREAM JOB basically. The only fret in Malacca.

Oh well and just like that all the chances got away. And I'm just plain tired of trying..for now. Which I know I should not do. BUT some good news. It's year ending again, and new chances are plenty especially regarding my dream job. Better luck this time insyaAllah. I'm no quitter. Life goes on.

P/S: MOVED on to a new site...for now. Greener pasture I reckon, start anew till all the controversy's dead.

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