The Story of Nurul,Aishah,Cha2,AkaZukii

why can't life be much easier than this? no complications, no agonies, no worries...just pleasant....everyday, but we would not call that life now would we?

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

IF Only Thoughts

Why can't we humans be contented in life? To utter the word thankful-that's easy, but do we really mean it in our hearts? Are we really that easy to feel satisfied? I am a born muslim, by default in other words. And ever since I was a little girl, I grew accustomed to praised the God and said my "syukur" every time something good happened or even when things didn't turned out the way you thought it would be ,for every single thing happened for a reason and Allah knows best.Most of the times, when the latter is the case, it is very unlikely for us to succumb to reality for often it hurts to such an inconsolable state of mind. Oh yes, we humans are greedy. We want it all.The best of the best, but how do we ever know what's best? So tell me something I don't know already...

Then, when failure hits you on your face, naturally you'll start questioning yourself..of the why's, the how's, the what if's. For both why's and how's are not that aggravating i feel but compare it with "if"- the whole destructive self-loathing will take place. Reason being: with how's and why's- it needs explanation, anatomizing every details that passed through. you'll try to reason your unsatisfied mind and failure with logic, BUT with "if's"- the possibilities of what went wrong just never ends. You could draw zillion of hypothesis - more tormenting than ever with each of it- in the end makes you depressed and hate yourself for ever making the point to try or crucifying your soul for the outcome that swayed off the tracks.

Other than serves as conjunction, the word "if" has a significantly powerful effect. Teamed it up with the word "only" you have an idiom of "if only" that signifies a wish, for a wish always brings hope and with hope, it placates the disturbed soul. To turn regret into a hope of having second chance.Unfortunately, in many cases, because the event has already happened, nothing can be done. Rather than feeling relieved, constant worrying and contemplating the many "if's" will lead you to endless anxiety.

If only you knew
If only you could see
If only there was time
If only you'd try to understand
If only humans makes no mistake
If only road to happiness were straight
It's easier to be at the other end
Appeasing the injured temper
Never say never
If all was had, if all was cared
If all never ends
If it was for a better chance
If only you cease being oblivion
You won't call me sentimental fool,playing it cool
Being nonchalant is no virtue
If only you were true
If only i could see, but blinded i was
And forever will be
If only i could wait
And not get tired of waiting
If only it was a dream
Hating be not arduous
But in reality pain are felt, merciless
If Only fate could be changed
Reversed, Rewrite or erased
If only truth be known
Perplexing doubts ceased
Metamorphosed to saccharine ending
IF and only if that is
But if is not just word
Exist to alter hope
Make you feel dope
If only there's no if
Misery would be bliss
But life ain't easy
If only I were strong
Resisting temptations bound to devastate
Awakening tastes sweet
If only i had those
Raving like this, i will not
Lesson learned
Trust nevermore if only thoughts

Damn! I'm troubled, how do i loathe thee? Give me ways, let me in. Ima, anata no sugei no otoko no hito wa janakute, baka to haraguroi desu ga...

P/S: I composed the above so-called poem of out my misery. The writings truly reflects me current rantings in life- of regrets and stupidity. BUT, rest assured as pathetic as I may appear to be here, sanity still intact, depression hasn't taken over. *sigh*


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