The Story of Nurul,Aishah,Cha2,AkaZukii

why can't life be much easier than this? no complications, no agonies, no worries...just pleasant....everyday, but we would not call that life now would we?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


Amidst the widely coverage of malaysian pop princess wedding's preparation which is dubbed as "the wedding of the Year" with millionaire businessman, Datuk Khalid( who is 20 years her seniors)...Malaysian were shocked yet again with three tragic was the death of Pahang's Princess, Tengku Puteri Kamariah, whom were slashed to death by her own son, Tunku Rizal Shahzan,21, who later died a few hours after the tradegy due to an overdose of drugs.Not just that, the princess's husband, who were the first person their son attacked is now hospitalised as he suffers from deep abdominal wound and in a coma state; not aware obviously of the death of his beloved wife and son. The impact of drug abuse; how terrible it can turned you, influenced your whole body system, unaware of your surroundings and to the extent of killing your own mother! This isn't the first time a drug addicts kill their own mothers/fathers in the country. But, this one is different, as it is classfied as 'royal murder'; and has a nationwide coverage. But a tradegy it still matter who it happen to.

As I read the article, I couldn't stop but wonder what if this happen to my family? God forbids, i surely hope. But i'm scared if this happen to unfortunately, i do have an ungrateful brother who is under the heavy influence of rasta man my bro...just a sick;ungrateful, stupido 32 years old pathetic lad who's still leeching with my parents for survival and thinks his behaviour is right! I LOATHE him so much. And he would typically gone "wild" and insane when his demands isn't meet. And, nobody...NOBODY can say anything...eventhough all of us would fight him off and we would quarell like crazy but in the end my mom will end up crying her eyeballs out....and succumb to this piece of shit i unfortunately blood related to.

and this what happened to the royals of Pahang; for she too was a mother, although her son is under drugs; she couldn't give him up to any rehab center of any sort...still hoping deep in her heart that the son will change...the power of mother's love. but it is only us, the children, who take things for granted and hurt our mom's feelings and shattering their dreams and expectations for us to be a better human, a better insan, a better khalifah. It is our weak mortal souls for we let ourself succumb to the devil's plot to destroy us emotionally, spiritually, personally.and my beloved mother is of no exception....she endure everything....and ended up hating herself for not being a better mother...which is so unfair for her...she does not deserve allthis misfortunes befall upon her life. HOW I HATE MY many times i feel like i want to just call up the police and have him arrested, but no, my mom won't let me do that. he's nothing but a parasite in our life....a loser, meaningless.....and i would be very happy if he is DEAD!why o why Allah, hasn't you take him with you????? isn't it so true what people say, that the only good people die early and young as Allah love them more than we do...i guess it will be awhile for death to come and take my bro's sordid what if my words are cruel?? i loatheeeeeeeeee him.

people were still talking about the tragic deaths of both mother and son of the pahang royals...when another widely coverage death takes place in Malaysia. the death of actor/host/producers/etc of Hani Mohsin Hanifa, 43, tragically died in the arms of his 10 years old daughter-Hani Karmilla, due to a heart attack, that caused him turned blue due to lacks of oxygen and collapsed in front of a check-in counter at KLIA airport. He were on his way for a long-awaited father-daughter holiday in langkawi island. this is another tradegy.......watching helplessly as your beloved father die slowly right in front of you...and the saddest thing is nothing you can do to help him.....i feel terribly sorry for the little girl..for she will undoubtedly traumatised by this tradegy like forever.......losing your father...that's just not fair....if i were her, i'd be questioning this myself like endlessly....why does this have to happend to me? we were supposed to spend time together...we were supposed to be is never easy to console a heartbroken stays on with you forever. i, myself, had a tiny taste of what it felt like to watch someone that you know all your life-a family-dies in front of you. My 2nd uncle died of hypertension in 2000...he wanted to meet me as he had promised to give me some present or something like that because i did quite well in my SPM. i was planning to meet him, and wanted to ask if it'd be ok for me to went to his house that one unfortunate day; when all i got was bad news, he was already unconscious and there were no more hope for him. that was sad....a tradegy for me, as my family was very close to him....he was loved by us all...and i watched him passed tears we had to let him i can only imagine how that little girl must have feel...and still feeling words can comfort her...and my deep condolences goes out to her.

so there, 3 tragic just less than 24 hours. someone had told me before, that it is believed never it will it be deaths only even numbers....for the dead souls will always call for an odd if there's two can expect there will be a third coming your me superstitious, but it seems to be true....i mean i had the worst episode of tradegy in 1999, when there were 3 deaths in less than 5 months among my family. first my grandpa, followed by my uncle, and another uncle...they were all burried at the same burial site at my father's hometown or kampung. and so was the following year; 3 deaths occured...this time around it started on my mother's side of the family; the uncle i wrote above , then another uncle, and another uncle.....the numbers of uncles i having became even lesser in the year 2001-2002, when this time grandma passed away, and followed by one distant grandma and another beloved uncle.....perhaps this was all some sort of weird sad coincidences in my life....even my closest friends were baffled by this....they went as far as thingking my whole family was under some kind of tarnishing spell...but then again, if any of you can still recalls, in 1999-2001; Lady Diana and her boyfriend Dodi Al-Fayed died with few months later Mother Theresa followed suit. coincidence?? superstition?? no one knows..but ONE thing for sure; "Kullun Nafsin Za Ikatul Maut"...death is certain for every living thing. from the dirt our body became and to the dirt we will return.

Sunday, July 23, 2006


as of today, i have ventured into my second week of my final semester. although, on the surface, i only have about 20 credit hours to fulfil, my workload has actually started as early as the second week. as final year students, the seniors...i could safely conclude many of us have changed, coming back from the practical training semester. ..some, having had splendid experiences at previous employment, couldnt stop braging about it and has become seduced to it and bigheadead as if they are the greatest. in other words; they have changed. i really couldnt care less about them, is just that this fact can be a tiny winy bit annoying to bare with. while others, had been able to withstand the temptations as trainees, i salute them to be just the way they are.

my final semester is here to stay. and as i have expected; the worst is yet to come. funny why these so-called popular teams in my class wanted to re-group their mates although it was clear they had to be separated into 2 different groups. it is them; who cannot live without their other significant souls. they need others to stand tall and form alliance believeable enough to be formidable. not quite really. funny, with these new classmates i am having. i dont really get along with them, heck, i cant even get their names right. that's what happend to an alien like me; im very much suited to be called as "gaijin". gaijin, a term in japanese could be loosely translated as aliens. so there; aishah san wa gaijin desu. hoho.

my class consists of 42 tormented souls...tormented in the sense that all of us wanted this semester to end as quickly as it can. this time around, the 42 of us were separated into 2 groups; group A and group B.of which, group A are made from students coming from non-masscomm diploma and the latter is of dip. masscomm holders. technically; i would be in B. but, in real fact; i am neither listed in A or B...simply because i am a gaijin...been transported to nippon for 7 months; and have to bare the consequences of the aftermath.anyhuu, i chose to be in group B, simply bcos of the class schedule more attractive than the other. NO CLASS ON FRIDAYS.but, that wasnt enough to make me happy. no words can ever be enough to describe how i loathe this class. mainly of its content. the people that's in it. i dont know, perhaps, i dont really know much of them. but then again, i didnt really know much of my previous class, but i enjoy that class even more.i do miss my old old classmates. when i think about it, i had never thought i would miss them this much, but now in my final sem; of the 3rd sem together with these new pals, i have come to realise the fact i do miss my ex-classmates oh-so-very much. one thing for sure; they are not as braggy nor snobbish brats as this new classmates. i would refer most of them as 'tin kosong' or empty barrels; creating lots of noise but with no real content.

with the exceptation of 2 individuals, and 1 individual who doesnt really have any effect on me; the rest i think of them as nothing but a brag case; at least most of them. specially some particular girls, and quite a number of guys. i detest them individually to the core of their existent...mainly becos of their personality. and what's with dating-your-own-classmates syndrome that seems to be contagious and fast spreading in the class. yucks! do you guys have to be so pathetically empty and restricts your options within classmates bearings??? dull...

and last week, the thing im afraid most takes place. grouping of mates for one crucial subject that needs a large number of participants in a group to make it work. and as stupidly and selfish as ever these people of majorities are; they have successfully made the task difficult as it is. although, it was recommended by the lect to make a group of quite a number of students in it, they refused to do so, and wanted to form groups of their own. a group of 8; mainly of their own friends (yang 'sebulu') and chopped off whoever they feel unlikely to do a job. and as i am a gaijin of this 'foreign territory', it is natural for me to not have a major alliance with anybody. i've downgraded myself as a minority. and i loathe for it even more; as these so-called majorities exploited us the minorities and shoved any 'unwanted-insufficient-rejected-team mates' of theirs to my insignificant group!just like in Survivor or any game of distrust, backstabbing alliances and manipulation, my group is lost with rejected team mates to work with on a very crucial project that will bring huge impact on our studies; which is absolutely vital to each of us to do a good job as this is our;again; painfully noted above; FINAL SEMESTER! arghhhhh phuck them!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006


finally, the greatest tournament in the world has ended. yeap, that's right the much talked about World CUP 2006 held in Deutschland...i must say, this is the only international match that i wouldnt missed to watch...i dont normally watched football especially not malaysian league..
puhhleezzz!not that i dont want to be patriotic about it, but malaysian team just suxxx..and they suxx big time!i dont know what it is really, heck, even all the local sports critique doesnt know what it is, but it seems that malaysian team just sux at any international it the ever so popular game in the country-badminton; or football, gymnastics, name it all...we are big losers! not that the government didnt put any efforts (financially) into upgrading all the necessity equipments, improvement plans, sports school....heck, they spurge alot of money on the s0-called national atheletes...but what do we get to see in returns?? failure.the best that these atheletes can do, is just on malaysian tournament scale. push it a little forward to at least ASEAN games, and we're nothing but mediocre...losers in other words. enough about critizing the malaysian atheletes....i know we are not hereos on international scale..and dont get me started on the recent Thomas Cup held in Japan...when we were so close of making it to the finals,but the so-called impressive young athelete; lanky kelantanese boy-Hafiz just had to screwed up and ruined everything. **very disappointed with that hafiz, a classic results of people's money not-worth-spent**

so, coming back to the much talked about world cup, which by the way...i have always knew England was never gonna make it!**seriously, i am never a fan of the english team, although i must say, i dig their accent! soooooooo posh, nice (^_^) ** teams that were on my list was, still and will always be the portugese, the germans, the brazilians, and the frenchs. although i do have the equal respects to the japanese and NAKATA SAN is ever so KAWAIII! owh well, recollecting the la cupa 2006, the japanese was i guess too anxious to win the doubt they had high hopes, but they were just wanting it tooo much, and when they do get to almost qualifying to the second round; they became too cocky and over-confident..why i say this? because they were a total wreck in their final game...they were leading against the australians..but when the aussies counter-attack them after scoring the equalizer goal; the stupido or in japanese-baka no goalkeeper...just HADDDD to boldly went an extra-mile to catch it..of which of course was a disaster because HE DIDNT!! he should have stayed closer to the bars and let the defense do their jobs!

anyways, it has all ended...and everyone in this whole wide world know the results and it is so yesterday to even comment about it...BUT hell, i am still gonna talk about it as it has ended in somewhat significantly different way than the previous world cups.when the heat was on semi-finals round, i have always got my predictions right about whose the winning team....UNTIL, of course, when the french beat the brazilians arse. although i was really torn between choosing the frenchs or brazilians, but since i got a brazilian T-shirt all the way from hosting land-Germany; i just had to go for the samba team....and heck, like zillions supporting fans of the team, they wept as their team lost against the french. i was wrecked meself...although, i was happy to see that it was the magical touch of Zizou that made the by then, i have automatically turned myself as a devout-french-and overly-obsess-supporter. go go zizou.

Okay. i guess, 50% out of the whatever numbers of girl/women/lady supporters of football liked to watch the football so much purely because of the players! hoho, opposite sex do attracts they say, and when it comes in package of good looks; its even harder to resist! BUT NOT ME...well; okay not entirely...with the exceptions of young christian ronaldo and so-cute pablo aimar, the rest of me favourite football stars i watch them play because they are just sooo good terms of every professional aspects: tactical, skills, speed,stamina etc. i mean just look at zizou...although i am sure he looks wayyy cuter and much more handsome than he does today, he's still reign as the best footballer in modern history of football... everyody knows of his talent and the very hot topic of his offense in the finals against the italians mid fielder in the 111th minute of the intense, i was watching the game without a blink in the eye**practically** so engrossed with it as i thought that the french could actually win it..i mean, they were leading the unpredictable-rewarded penalty kick...and as the italians found the equalizer, they were losing touch in the first half. but they picked it up real good, and had many attempts although i just have to praise to italians defense as they were indeed working their butts off as to ensure their goals are inpenetrable....UNTIL, french capitan unbelieveable headbutt act..sure, that offender said something terribly bad to zizou, BUT as a professional in the history of someone who has gone thousand of times in match like that,zizou just HAD TO CONTROL HIS TEMPER!! i am honestly feel sorry for him and disappointed that he did what he did....doesnt phucking matter what he dude said to you man, but as someone most highly regard of in the entire international scale; YOU JUST SHOULDNT DO THAT OFFENSE.okay so that stupid ungentleman italian dude Marco Matterazi insulted your mother or sister with cruel and vulgar words; but man, you shouldnt do that. at least just triedd to pick a fight with him you know say those bad words back to him...the most trouble you can get into is just a mere yellow card...well, things are said and done. and as i wrote this, the FIFA are investigating the case..and considering ripping off zidane's golden ball award off him. phuck FIFA now...that is so unfair. the man deserve every bit of the award......he is indeed a magic to international football scene. not even ronaldinho or ronaldo or any ronalds can do the skills and tricks like he can.SO LET'S PRAY THAT ZIZOU GETS TO KEEP THE he is indeed every bit a supergolden star! amin to that! for more of zizou click

oh by the way, dont you think zizou looked a tiny winy bit like george clooney in this picture??

Sunday, July 02, 2006


for i guess the first time in my so-called adult life so far; i was a busybee during me holidays. i WORKED. yeap..i actually worked my arse-out! when i decided to terminate my internship almost 2 months ago, for reason that i need to find myself enuff money to pay my one last final semester school fee; i thought i would never really stand the idea. i would never did it...but i actually did something meaningful in my life, and i feel good about now, after those tiring days of working hard, let me retrack my thoughts and serve you mydear diary a rundown of what has taken place in my life for the past 2 months and now...

#my first SERIOUS part-time job
part-time job...or in japanese, it's called 'baito'. i reckon every adult in this planet has done somekind of part-time job in their lives..and it is pretty common for students like me to have a part-time job especially during semester breaks, to fill our time in. the 1st ever part-time job i did was in mid 2002..i was in my second last semester of my diploma course; and i worked as a waitress in a sushi restaurant of which was called 'sushi kin' ( the most famous fast-food sushi franchise in malaysia) in the most busiest sushi kin outlet in malaysia; KLCC. mind you, it takes me approximately 30mins via the chikatetsu or subway from my home to klcc, and it was not cost-efficient in any way for me. BUT i worked there still....not for the pay nor for occupying my school holidays..BUT just for the sake of SUSHI! lame probably to you, stupid probably to others..but for was worth it. i purposely chose a sushi restaurant to work mainly in hopes of having FREE sushi anytime i wanted!! yes, i was then a SUSHI FREAK and still very much is a sushi lover today...(^_^) and boy did i have the 'sushiest' time of my life clearly i didnt take my responsibility as a waitress seriously then. i was just in for free sushi treats.and served me right, i only got pay RM300!! as i tend to work less hours than the rest of the employee there. anways, that was 2002 fiasco.

i tried to take things seriously again in mid 2005..during me longgggg semester break , all thanks to the very rewarding student exchange program held by the international office of UiTM! *sarcastically* so much so, i tried a harder and tougher job; a SALESPERSON for the local internet provider-TMNET. alongside with 2 guyfriends that successfuly convinced me 'tanning' me already tanned skin; those culprits were safuan and was even worse than my sushi episode; in terms of the payment. as this time around; my focus were to accumulate as much money as i could in closing sales for internet subscribers...but the whole thing remain a pipedreams..heck, a far cry of trying to stand own my two feet....i only last 2-freaking weeks, of which i 'successfuly' closed 2 sales, that pitifuly earned me RM88!! as if that's not hopelessly pathetic enough, my hard-earned RM88 was deducted 50% for my TMNET t-shirt and my TMNET salesperson tag!!!! all in all left me ONLY RM44!!!!! damn, i was jinx!!!!!now, that paid t-shirt and tag is what left for that painful memory. :p

and so, this time around, i was determined to worked. although, it came in as a shock to both my parents and siblings (heck, they knew i wouldn't last long working)i was really pumped to prove them wrong. i felt that it's time i cant act babyish nemore, im freaking 24 years now and i need to take responsibility with my own life if not armed and definitely not dangerous, i WORKED yet again...although the first few try-outs almost took away my focus and determination; i hang on and made my way through as a CASHIER+SALESPERSON in BODY SHOP! a cashier!!! haha...handling the machine was really fun, BUT balancing the account was the scary bit. on me first day as a cashier( heck, i never had any experienced whatsoever as cashier) the shop was short of RM100!!!! and i was shocked to learned that if that is the case (the account is short of money) i, as the cashier, HAVE TO PAY for the difference!!!! gosh, i was traumatised by that! imagine it was the first day, was all excited, it was the first day of sales,people came in to the shop like ants,and i, the inexperienced cashier had to handle everything on my own behind the counter..and i were to blame when the account was imbalance! hell-no way i'm paying...i took out my most strategic yet pussy and childlike defence- I CRIED! hahaha...phucked everyone...NO WAY i'm gonna pay for the short money. and though that unprofessional move earned me the nick "baby" of the shop; i couldnt care less about least i dont have to pay everrrr..yeap, called me baby.called me least one thing that i am so darn proud of is that i didn't take any day-off from work. i worked allll the way....and of course in return i got paid quite satisfactorily "worth"every sweats. so in just less than 2 months, i've accomplished my mission, the vow to myself, finding enuff cash on my own. and im happy (^_^)

# of academia life
so my holidays about to end. and soon will i begin my final semester in academia insyaAllah. the final year before calling me self a the rest of my classmates and any students for that matter, they're surely in high hopes to graduate with good grades if not flying for me, i just can't wait for this semester to end, calling it a "WRAP". perhaps, if the grades are good, i'd prolly frther it to master degree...IF. well cant say now. they say the firsts and the lasts is the hardest. in this case the first sem and the final sem. around last month i went to see my x-classmates convocation. if it wasnt the japan thingy, i'd prolly be among them, graduating...wearing the convocation robe..with flat caps and all..happily glee with scroll in hands, and a promising job to start the self-independence life. BUT i am still here.still struggling for that day. that one day of celebration. when all your tiring sweats, headaches, school life dramas end.that one day called graduation day. of course all more reason to enjoy that day is by graduating with good grades if not superb. when everybody is there to see you on the stage, receiving that scroll you worked your arse out..the proud tears of your family, the smiling lecturers, friends and for me, i must say i have a very lateeee motivation to be studious. i was just plain lazy...was and still very much is. though i know i may sound self-praising, but i am quite a genius. a genius they say when combines with hardwork produces magnificent consequences. BUT i am just plain 'genius' of which when combine with sluggishness produces an all time classic example of MEDIOCRE. i have always known this, and i guess that is what driven me to take things lightly.

but i vow, since i got me arse back from nippon, to not repeat the history...called me a late bloomers,heck, at least i 'bloom'ed...and my result for previous semester finally pays finally, in my fourth sem, i managed to be in "dean's lists" abbreviation DL; an honoric title and accredition much yearn by any students.alhamdulillah, those long hours, trying my best not to fall asleep in class, the struggling deadlines, late hours stay burn to ashes to pay for car and increasing toll price, loved ones demand to be spend more time with them, family's blessing..all paid off in the end. although not glorious enough, but heck, i BLOOMED!! i got a DL!and last month, again, like much is written here, i fuss about the tiring days i have to go through, juggling time for my uni work, my training in TV3 and of course my mother; i have repeat of what is a classic case for me::procrastination:: BUT this time around, i didnt do it on purpose, i procrastinated my priorities because im stucked between two responsibilities that was just demanded out of me; as an intern and a daughter. and so, i just had to leave academia work at number three. knowing well of the dangerous outcome that i will face if it is not meet by deadline set by en farami of whom is my supervisor, i had no other choice but gamble this one out. so, in just 2 weeks, i sit tight and tired in front of my loyal pc; and freaking nervous to catch my deadlines.....for the first time in my academia life as UiTM student, i borrowed to maximum 20 books from the library. fascinating?? it surely was at least to home, spread all the books on my bed, insanely going through all those richly formulated and structured literature, vigourously extracting it, paraphrasing it into my own words combining those with rentless hours of net browsing..googling words after words related to my work...and finally it was less than 2 weeks. not something i'm proud with when i handed it over to en farami..heck. i was even mocked by 2 individuals who had insensitively browse my writings with one of them had the audacity to mocked and critized my work, telling me that it's was bad, telling me that no way i'm gonna pass with this writings send in to my supervisor ( although deep in my heart, i mock her back, and curse her terribly...who the hell does she thinks she is? my PHUCKIN supervisor is it??? stupidos lolita) anywhooooo, i sent those in,hoping in my heart that i could get more extanded weeks but in the same time happy that i'm finally done with it. in time! so with that modest work of mine consisting of only mere 58 pages ( with most of my classemates sending in to an over 100 pages!) i braved myself home, crossing fingers...hoping it will all turned out fine.

agony of waiting..indeed is killing. all that drama were shockingly rewarded. last june i checked my results and i'm shocked to see i got an A- for it.i was startled. practically unbelieveable. how in the world can that much 58 pages writing earned me an A-?? i was terribly shocked but estactically HAPPY!!!!! yeayyyy....alhamdulillah, all thanks to en farami. for he was the one who has graded me with that. i noe, some of me friends prolly achieved better than me, but to hell with them. all i'm concern for, i did a 58 pages academic writing in a very stressed and brief time and got an A- when all i could think of is prolly B+. lessons learnt????? NEVER PROCRASTINATE AGAIN AISHAH!!!!! yeap, i vow, my final semester to be better than ever. the best is yet to come..insyaALLAH. may ALLAH grant me this one graduate with honor..with good grades. not for me, but for my mother. i want her to be happy. AMIN.