The Story of Nurul,Aishah,Cha2,AkaZukii

why can't life be much easier than this? no complications, no agonies, no worries...just pleasant....everyday, but we would not call that life now would we?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

tis 0341 hours...in the wee morning....still wide awake...outside is pouring rain...with weather like tis i shud be sleeping, as it is quite cool..but why am i still awake??

i dont know why, but eversince im back here in uitm after the splendid 7 months in japan, life has been really hard and demanding...pretty sordid for me...been having series of misfortune and bad lucks...keep coming me way...and what is more disturbing, i have changed to a boring person...and chubby as well, which i very much hate that fact! **self-loathing mode on now**

what is new??nada...at least nothing much..from today onwards, work gonna be tons...and will keep me very busy. why? it's the grand finale for BERSAMAMU program, which will be transmitted live from the official residence of YAB Deputy Prime Minister...big deal huh? veryyy.....so with all the chaos, i was put in charged of getting all the VIPs vox-pop or brief interviews that will be inserted in the one hour live program...which also means, i have , for the very first time, go out alone..leading the crew....fixing up the appointments and such, and getting the job done...well sure, it's only 2 mins airtime for each vox-pop, but i'm dealing with VIPs some of which is datuk, so i cant just asked 2 simple question...now can i?let them speak i'd say, and it's up to me to cut it off and edit things out for 2 mins tx.

at first i was assigned to get 3 governmental offices to talk, now i'm burden with more incoming vox-pop in such a short time..i hate tht! tis not easy to get this orang gomen to talk people!!documents and such...pergh...malas tul!and with such a short time, im afraid i'll fail in getting this task done as i did before around last week..huhu (the first time i fail mind u..but it's a learning process for me...lesson learnt?always get an updates even tho it was agreed that u are gonna get an interview)

amidst the frustration, desperation, frenziness,hopelessness......few hearts that is close to mine had to be taken care of..but i failed in doin so...in particular is 'C2C'...just happend that i am having the hell of time when C2C wanted me attention...im so soryy C2C.i failed in pleasing ya...and now C2C has gone...leaving me empty...huhu **sob sob** and so are the other hearts..like me mom's for instance. she too merajuk with me...hey people...im just an ordinary people (tribute to john legend) i have only two ordinary hands, with a very ordinary capicity to make things done...and most of all I AM JUST 24!with so many things coming me way..i cant handle the calamities...i cant handle these challenges anymore..i'm breaking into pieces...

not just that, trouble with peers @ work..argh, how i hate 'em..but i dont give shits that much, i noe some of 'em (of which is among me classmates) is constantly havin a 'backside talking' about me...these are the people u would call backstabbers...people that u cant trust...infront of ya face they'd be the sweetest of people, but God knows when u turn u head over to the other side...but ya noe, bad mouthing others is only done when u are dissatisfy with that person, and the cause of these dissatisfactory to occur?? simply said, they envy ya with things that they dont have or lacking off..things that irks them so bad, they cant do anything about it but just TALK about it! or....they badmouthing others because they feel they are "OH-SO-PHUCKING" great..(which i doubt abt it) that they have nothing better to do but always in between conversations talk about others and ignore friends eventho these friends is right on their face!! IN OTHER WORDS, THESE PARTICULAR CLASSMATES OF MINE WHICH IS ALSO AN INTERN HERE..THEY'RE NOTHING WITHOUT EACH OTHER..IT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY STAND WITH 2-3 OTHERS WHO SHARED THE SAME ATTITUDE AS THEM, THEY ACT AS IF THEY ARE THE GREATEST....BUT WITH OUT THE SUPPORT OF THE REST OF THE CLAN..THEY CANT EVEN BREATH!! i pity one gal in particular..she thinks she's so phucking great...but she is so clingy with the other gal..of which whenever that gal is not around she seems dead both in&outside..and that to me is pure PATHETIC!

soz, me words may sound blunt and harsh, but i'm just under so much stressed in life..i cant help it...tis is a good therapy to let things out from ya chest..in by bloggin tis is one way to do so...at least i hope im not as streesed as sopeq..of whom only 2 months in tv3 got him diagnosed by doctor having high-blood-pressure!few....

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

salaams

dah lama aku tak dapat nak update kan blog ni...why is that so? pretty much tied up with me stressed life...huhu..what's new??eversince me 1st assignment, i didnt go out much( to location that is) due to my mom's health condition...although, me mom asked me to go and have my foucs locked to my studies ( you now how mom is, they only think what's best for us..our best interest is their priority in life huhu bless mom!! ) since last week,aku dah start keluar outstation lagi for work...after Klang's story, i went yet again wif abg nasir the exec BJ and Cik In, the producer..shooting for a few days...soaking wet and slimmy under the hot malaysian sun..

last week i went to maran, pahang to cover 2 families....tp since ada byk lagi story and my story will be aired in 3 weeks time..so still have ample time to rest n relax for awhile... until now...although i dont really fancy working in production thingy, i do enjoy the going out bit..meeting these unfortunate families, each with their own sad story to share...each with their own watery eyes for us to empathize..is what keeps me to the ground, u will come to realise that there are people with worse case than u...with more sorrow than u..but this time around, is not only special...as this will not only be my last outing for BERSAMAMU, but also the last shooting for the program..NO!there's still gonna be a lot more coming, just that by the end of this month, BERSAMAMU will close its curtain for season three...and my story, is the LAST of the season..episode 13...




(upper picture)fooling around with compere ms fifi and producer ms mazlin, in kelantan.


for the next season, ms mazlin nordin wont be working hands in hands the BERSAMAMU crew, as she will be busy producing her 'baby' program, the much talked about...MISTERI NUSANTARA..MISTERI NUSANTARA is the local reality-ghost-seekers kinda like program..where u seek the untouchable..entity that no human beings can easily see...hidden somewhere between the heaven and hell..huhu. SPOOKY?? perhaps...INTIMIDATING?? definitely...ENTERTAINING?? hell yeah!!!

reminiscing my time with BERSAMAMU, i cant help but to feel a little bit devastated as i wont be working with ms mazlin nemore..huhu, im such a BIG fan of hers!! but sure i never disclose to her about this...seriously, the only documentary/magazine program in TV3 that i would normally watch are:-majalah tiga,jejak rasul and MISTERI!but over the three program, honestly MISTERI is my cup of tea!!!!simply because there's cik in involved and of course mr zainal ariffin as the compere...

to add more damage to my already distressed life, i heard that i'll be attached to a new program...MEDIK TV.**shriekkkk** what?? MEDIK TV? okay fine, i do have some interest in medical world, but to be attached to that program..is a whole new thing...not only the program is quite boring...it doesnt have much rating, but most importantly, the crew involved in it...mmm i'm not fond of any..i just want to be where i am right now....i just want to follow cik in, because she is sooo nice..nice in terms many ways: she is suportive, she would teach new things, she would guide u all the way, she is tolerant..plus, she is indeed the one and only established woman in the local media industry..to be working with her is indeed a blissful experience. and to let go of that, felt like letting go the most precious thing in ya life..DEVASTATING!!


but enuff about the internship part. tho' to some i may looked hard-working in terms of my willingness to work late hours...and even on weekends, and although to some my work in terms of my skill and proficiency of editing lingo and scripting....i still look "BAD" to the manager.why?simply bcos i feel that i dont kiss much of her arse...and becos to her comprehension, i have not YET PERFORMED!! attendance wise i sucked they say...what the heck?? MY MOM IS SICK and i am the olny daughter living with her, so in other words, I HAVE NO WAY OUT! not that i'm saying that OH-I'M-SUCH-A-GOOD-DAUGHTER...but turns out to be, i just have no other choice...sure she doesnt mind me working (hell tht's wht she said) but deep down i know that if i'm around she would pretty much like that idea...so, AM I SOO PHUCKED UP THEN??? to hell with them all i'd say.........


the last picture taken with mom before she got stroke


what else is new in life for me right now?? although i whine and worry too much about me mom, i'd have to say..alhamdulillah she is recovering well....she can now walk slowly even without assistance...i feel grateful for that. school life plak?? school life suxx....the last time i have been put under dr baha's supervision....but to my dismay...since last week..i have no supervisors...all thanks to the sudden 'rombakan' supervisors in my school..hopefully i'll get a good supervisor which is kind and helpful. Ameen! but that said, it was all soo last week...at this point, i have already been assigned to a new supervisor...the one and only mr FARAMI...owh well, now i need not to worry about that part nemore, all is left for me to worry is MY THESIS!! more disturbing to hear, my good friend sexy lady HAZA, told me due to her late submission(thesis), cause her a degration from a first class holder to a second class upper'rer'..everyone of my ex-classamate says, semester 6 is the hardest! thesis to complete...assignments to submit and constant worries of the outcomings...


and judging by the way i'm handling my internship now, things isn't looking too bright..gosh, i dont want to be ruinin' my CGPA.not that it is soo superb mind you, but alhamdulillah, it has been catching up a few steps higher than it ever did before...so alhamdulillah for that...now, my task is just to find time to meet mr farami and discuss my thesis...

social life? nothing's much has changed...eversince me age turned 24 last week....i have yet to feel that i have matured that much.with redz, another story to be told...perhaps some other day, some other chapter, some other fresh page..for now, suffice to say, i prefer to take the 'watch and see' measures...yeap, that's the best thing to do now. other drama in my dramtised world, not seeing much of my of friendly friend's faces...the last one was hani, only to buy some books for next semester...and like 2 days ago...i met HAZA!! finally...after a while...i got to meet her again...she is now working in 8TV, under the same roof as i, or pretty much the same roof :) it was such a relief to see some warm faces that i got privileged to know of...next in my wishlist will definitely be HANIS! how i miss her sweet face, sepet eyes and most importantly her infectious laughs! I MISS MY 'OL SELF...I MISS MY FRIENDS..I MISS THE PAST...tho i noe tis not good to look back in the past and whine about it...BUT for me now...with the things i'm going through now...THE PAST SEEMS SOOOO PERFECT TO LOOK BACK UPON AND WISH THAT I COULD GO BACK TO THAT PATH AGAIN.....and if i could, bring along some mighty powers to mend all wounds that goes around it....to make sure that MY FUTURE WILL BE AS PLEASANT AS IT COULD...just like in my dream..where there's no sickness, no worries, no enemies..just FILLED WITH LOVE all AROUND , and EVERYWHERE i SEE..would that be too much to ask? i wonder......

Thursday, February 09, 2006

February is here again to stay...

The month of love...the only month where u got less than 30 days...the most significant month..and this year it marks a new year in muslim calendar...and how i can i ever forget it's the month when i was born 24 years ago..yeap, the gist of the story is...it's my birthday month...of all 12 months in roman calendar, this is the time i love most...FEB-BULOUS FEBRUARY!!

What else is new in life for me?? working wise, i'm terribly busy..though i'm just an intern, but i still have to do dozen of work, sure my benchmark of professionalism isnt quite there yet..but i am trying as i might..today, the paycheck day...fun? perhaps if i earned more than 10K..unfortunately it's just a mere $200...that can't even be considered hardcold money..LOL! gas alone=$100, food=$150, overbudget....with the output outweighted the input...man, this is a tiring job.

TV life...where u dramatised simple life..simple things and make it look real and believeable..where u push it to the whole world to see...all that glitz and glamour...drama drama drama...dont ever believe what u see on TV..cos it's all full of shits..i dont know if i am even fit for this world...and especially where i am attached with the leading capitalism private television company,where money it's all that matters.. u need to have that extra Q..u gotta have "it" to make it big...at least make urself known..and I?? gee, i dont think with the pattern im goin thru right now could ever be an advantage for me...

gotta have a whole transformation "artwork" first..i'm not saying that i couldn't flaunt it...surely i can, the point is whether i want it to be flaunted..thts the difficult part of deciding my fate and glory in this dramatised world...mmm which will it be i wonder?? talk about having it...one dude that i know of, is at his beginning to glamour life...he's about to embark as a whole new person in showbiz..from someone nobody knows about, to almost the perfect dude that everyone wants to get close with..almost.

how did he do it?? i guess frankly, he doesnt really have that "it" factor..he's not even cute...seriously..but he certainly has confidence...and that's what make him on the road of success as he is today. ..owh and plus luck of course and God's willing....though he and i are now distantly connected even as friends..i salute him as a person, he was one determined dude...always believed in his principles and work his way up..and now..he's harvesting that fruit of success. nice. to MR FIK, all the best in life dude. it's about time u finally living up ur dreams and fantasy.